And Then Came COVID: Re-Imagining Your Wedding During a Pandemic

Wedding days are big events because they're big life moments. Many people choose to have a big wedding because it’s a time of celebration and we want all of the people we love so much to be a part of this beautiful, magical, love-filled time in our lives.

As a wedding vendor who is a big part of the wedding day for most people (along with the venues, the planner, the videographers, the flowers, the caterer, the music—you get the idea), I had many weddings scheduled for the rest of 2020.

I’ve planned with my couples, made travel arrangements, and geared myself up for another year of doing what I love most.

And then came COVID.

Typing that sentence literally sent a punch to my gut. The tears fill my eyes.

Frankly, it’s been devastating.

As a wedding photographer, I’ve worked through a reschedule a time or two before.

The reschedule that went the smoothest was all due to the fact that Alissa of Altar’d Events was at the wheel. Because of her, the date of the wedding in question was pushed back a year, solving all the planning issues the couple encountered. Our couple had time to feel disappointed and move some stuff around and ended up having the most incredible day ever. There was even a tornado nearby on their wedding day and our couple could not have been happier at how their day went. 

We had over a year to make it work. To figure it out. And at the end of the day, the only big change was that the date was different. 

But then came COVID.

I’m the problem solver of all problem solvers. I mean, give me a challenge and I am up for it. But this? Everything all at once?

Every wedding of this year—every wedding going forward—is going to be affected by this. It’s bigger than simply moving the date.

In the beginning, that’s what everyone was hoping: just move the date and we will work it out and fingers crossed we get as many of your vendors as we can and it’s just a logistics issue to work out. 

But that’s not what happened.

We thought it was just March and April that needed to reschedule so we started there. Following the guidelines of the CDC and WHO, we rescheduled May and June just to be safe, as we don’t really know how long this will play out. Now, August & September dates are starting to get the hint that changes are coming their way. 

As a wedding photographer who truly cares about each of the couples I get to work with, it’s a lot of disappointment to take care of. I'm trying to provide a lot of emotional support and reassurance that we will make the most out of the wedding day, no matter when it takes place.

While these are our businesses, this is bigger than us. Each business owner is doing the best we can to abide by what our contracts state, making exceptions where we can to be as helpful as we can without going out of business.

Finding a new date that works isn’t the only problem to solve. The support doesn’t just stop once we find a new date.

There are a lot of other realities that need to be discussed. (At this point, my chest feels warm and I want to resist typing these thoughts and putting them into words.)

For some couples, I know that a big wedding with hundreds of people is the only way they will have a wedding. I get it, really I do. It’s not always about showing off. Many times people genuinely want to create a day of celebration for as many people as they can. Weddings boost people’s spirits and give hope to those we love and care about. They bring so many people together and families look forward to them for months. People rearrange their schedules, vacations, and lives to attend the wedding in person.

So then what happens when bringing large groups of people together is dangerous for everyone involved?

Do you push back your date and keep your fingers crossed that large gatherings will be able to happen in a few short months? Do you reschedule for next year, thinking, "It’s gotta be over by then"? Or do you consider options that look a bit different than the original dream day?

Please note that I understand that the following options will leave certain vendors with tough changes to navigate. I’m simply considering all options here. I want to take care of my clients and help support them through this heartbreaking time we are all experiencing.

I’ve mentioned what I am about to write next to my couples. I’ve started the process. I never want to wait until the last minute to help navigate these truly impossible times, so I started the conversations. 

What is most important to you about your wedding day? 

Almost everyone has said to celebrate our love together and having our family and friends present as a part of our day. 

But nothing in the world is the same right now. Will it ever get to a place of like it was in 2019? There are a lot of unanswered questions and it can be so frustrating to plan when you don’t have the answers. 

So what do we do? For me, I think we have to remember what we value the most.

Why are the two of you getting married?

Why have you chosen to dedicate your lives to each other? What do you look forward to the most about growing as individuals and as a couple?

The hardest part about typing this is the idea of upsetting people. Not everyone will agree with me and that’s okay. The conversation you need to have centers around one question: What is your day about?

If a big party with a lot of people can potentially make people sick or worse, is that really what you want to remember about a day meant to be a celebration?

What if the celebration just looks different now? What if there are ways to have the BEST DAY EVER still and include your family and friends—but differently?

What if you have a wedding with witnesses and a photographer and videographer there to document the day? Then on a later date (send out invites), host a virtual party where everyone gets dressed up and you all watch a slideshow of your wedding photos and a cinematic short film of your wedding day?

You could still have one hell of a party together, while socially distancing to keep everyone safe. 

A different option for a little later when it’s a bit safer to be around more people: What if you invite your Top 8 (anyone remember MySpace?) and set up a live stream for everyone else. This is still a shared experience happening live. 

Guests can even see the parts of the wedding day, like when photos are happening if you wanted to share even more. You can schedule time on your wedding day to interact with the live stream, say hi to your guests, and bring them on screen for a photo with you.

Yes, it looks different than going table to table at a reception, sure. But the sentiment is the same; the love is the same. 

You can still set up the show. Make sure to keep your planner and hire them to help you navigate these changes. You can still have flowers delivered and tables set. Include the vendors you love so much. As we are able to be around more people we will start to see new normals start to happen. Big weddings will happen again, but we don’t really know what that will look like and/or when. 

One last thing that we have to include in planning a wedding from now on is guests will want to know how many people will be attending. The risk of getting ill from being in a room with a lot of people is more prevalent than ever.

No one wants to infect hundreds of people, but it’s happened. The stories of one person being the carrier because they attended a funeral and a birthday party, or another of a person infecting 31 people at a wedding, and people getting sick from attending church services and beach parties. These things have happened and they aren’t a secret.

As we plan weddings going forward, many more guests will opt to not attend in person. It is something we should expect and be understanding about. Feelings might be hurt. Not everyone will be as understanding. Some people might get really frustrated or mad.

But I have to believe that as a whole we can make changes to keep each other safe. I think that knowing that you have options while planning a wedding during a pandemic can help you choose what matters the most.

Is it more important to have everyone together in a singular physical location or to share an experience—no matter what it looks like—with the ones who love you the most?

If it’s the first (or both equally), then you might be waiting a while.

I won’t flood you with toxic positivity BS or ensure you that you’ll have the day you originally dreamed of or that things will be back to normal at all let alone within the year.

What I will assure you is, if you focus on what matters the most—if you remember why you are getting married to each other—then you know that the day is about your love and getting through hard times together.

Tough times never get figured out in a straight line. There is back and forth and a million bumps in the road. It’s part of the adventure we are on in life and the figuring out part is where the joy is found if you are open to finding it. 

Your day might look different now. It’s okay to grieve the loss of that original wedding day and to open yourself to new possibilities of having a really good day.

Take time to let yourself process and when you are ready, let’s get to work making the most out of your wedding day.

With love,

-me